


Big Tiddie Committee

by LongLastingForevermore



Category: K.A.R.D (Band), Monsta X (Band), NU'EST, Pentagon (Korea Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Discussion of Tiddies, Gratuitous amounts of coffee, Multi, No Plot/Plotless, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, guys being dudes, no plot we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23285056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LongLastingForevermore/pseuds/LongLastingForevermore
Summary: Just guys being dudes.Literally, just a bunch of swole guys with big tiddies being dudes in a groupchat. Cue shenanigans.
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Comments: 48
Kudos: 129





	1. episode i: origins

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know how to explain the origin of this one...
> 
> actually, no. blame matthew kim.
> 
> (and my best girl wolfi)

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has created **New Chat**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has changed **New Chat** ’s name to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Lee Hoseok** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Kim Namjoon** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Son Hyunwoo** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Yang Hongseok** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Kim Mingyu** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Kang Dongho** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has added **Bang Chan** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**_Matthew Kim_ ** _has changed their nickname to **Big Matthew**_

**Big Matthew** : So

 **Big Matthew** : Dudes!!

 **Big Matthew** : Hoseok and i are gonna recreate OK Go’s mv for ‘here it goes again’ and we need two volunteers to join us

 **Big Matthew** : Whos in

 **Kim Mingyu** : i say this with all due respect hyung

 **Kim Mingyu** : but it’s literally 2am wtf

 **Bang Chan** : time is meaningless

 **Bang Chan** : i simply do Not Vibe with the concept of time

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Should we be concerned **_@Bang Chan_**

 **Bang Chan** : i havent slept in two days

 **Lee Hoseok** : sickkk

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I Am Staging An Intervention

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Give me your address

 **Bang Chan** : lit

 **Bang Chan** : bring coffee

 **Son Hyunwoo** : NO

 **Kim Mingyu** : lmao dude how many cups have u had

 **Bang Chan** : i just spoke to my curtains

 **Kim Mingyu** : ,,,,,,nvm i dont wznna know

 **Bang Chan** : in cantonese

 **Kang Dongho** : what is going on

 **Bang Chan** : i dint even /know/ cantonese

 **Kang Dongho** : what did i walk into

 **Kang Dongho** : why am i here

 **Kim Namjoon** : Why is any of us here?

 **Lee Hoseok** : idk man im jus tryna plan a good time tbh

 **Big Matthew** : Yall

 **Big Matthew** : Focus

 **Yang Hongseok** : i have one question before i agree to anything

 **Big Matthew** : HONGSEOK MY MAN

 **Son Hyunwoo** : **_@Bang Chan_** i mean it share your location

 **Big Matthew** : Ask away

 **Yang Hongseok** : ‘big tiddie committee’? really?

 **Bang Chan** : only if you promise to bring me coffee

 **Bang Chan** : and a hug

 **Kim Mingyu** : Where Is The Lie Tho **_@Yang Hongseok_** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …deal

 **Kang Dongho** : please never use that kaomoji again i beg of you

 **Yang Hongseok** : yikes that name is so formal

**_Yang Hongseok_ ** _has changed their nickname to **Hongseok**_

**Hongseok** : that’s better

 **Bang Chan** : _[location shared]_

 **Hongseok** : that’s,,,valid **_@Kim Mingyu_**

 **Kim Mingyu** : ayyyye

 **Big Matthew** : Guys

 **Kim Namjoon** : Yo hyung are you delivering coffee because if that’s the case _[location shared]_

 **Kim Namjoon** : **_@Son Hyunwoo_** ily

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …

 **Lee Hoseok** : asdfghjk

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You’re lucky I’m moderately fond of you **_@Kim Namjoon_**

 **Kim Namjoon** : uwu

 **Lee Hoseok** : i’ll drive **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **Big Matthew** : SO

 **Big Matthew** : Are you in? **_@Hongseok_**

 **Hongseok** : what the h*ck sure im in whats the worst that could happen

 **Big Matthew** : Litty

 **Kim Mingyu** : u could eat shit, for one

 **Kim Namjoon** : LMAO true treadmills are death-traps

 **Big Matthew** : We need one other volunteer

**_Son Hyunwoo_ ** _has changed **Kim Namjoon** ’s nickname to **(cute) freeloader**_

**(cute) freeloader** : TAKE THAT BACK

**_Lee Hoseok_ ** _has changed **Kim Namjoon** ’s nickname to **joonie**_

**joonie** : That’s better

**_joonie_ ** _has changed **Lee Hoseok** ’s nickname to **Hoseokie**_

**Hoseokie** : (◕∇◕✿)

**_Bang Chan_ ** _has changed **Kim Mingyu** ’s nickname to **mini gyu**_

**Kang Dongho** : yo

 **Kang Dongho** : matthew

 **Big Matthew** : Ay

 **Big Matthew** : Dats me

 **Big Matthew** : Whaddup

 **mini gyu** : waht the hecc is this nickname im the tallest dude here

 **Kang Dongho** : im in if u pay for our drinks next time we go out

 **mini gyu** : >:c

**_mini gyu_ ** _has changed **Bang Chan** ’s nickname to **shortstack chan**_

**shortstack chan** : wow friendship revoked

 **Big Matthew** : Dealio

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Seok says he’s glad to hear that

 **Son Hyunwoo** : He’s driving right now so he can’t type himself

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Wait

 **Son Hyunwoo** : He says I have to share he’s ‘pumped’ and ‘hyped’ and not ‘glad’ because he’s ‘not a boring old man’

 **Son Hyunwoo** : My bad

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Wait…

 **joonie** : He means you

 **mini gyu** : he measn u

 **shortstack chan** : that’s u

 **Hongseok** : auwtch

 **Hoseokie** : i mean u

 **Hoseokie** : (we’re @ stoplight, dont drive n text kids)

 **Hoseokie** : (˵◕ ɛ ◕˵✿)

 **Big Matthew** : No bullying in the Big Tiddie Committee chat!!

 **shortstack chan** : sorry dad

 **Big Matthew** : I HAVE A SON???

 **shortstack chan** : i take it ba c k

 **Big Matthew** : SON DON’T GO

 **mini gyu** : big matthew? more like big daddy amirite fellas

 **Kang Dongho** : oh brother how i wish i was jared, 19

 **Hongseok** : KIM MINGYU

 **Hongseok** : D E L E T E

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Hey siri do these kids deserve the coffee they requested when they’re being mean to me or not

 **Son Hyunwoo** : _[attached image]_

__

**joonie** : Mm cofy

 **joonie** : Néctar of the gods

 **mini gyu** : shit u right the daddy here is hyunwoo hyung

 **joonie** : Talking about gods

 **joonie** : Hyung you are a god among men ♥

 **shortstack chan** : pls my crops r dying

 **Hongseok** : nerd

 **shortstack chan** : s hUT

 **Kang Dongho** : mingyu is2g

 **shortstack chan** : ur just jealous hyung is bringing us coffee

 **Hongseok** : …no shuddup

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Sigh

 **mini gyu** : stop kinkshaming me

 **Son Hyunwoo** : What do you want me to bring you **_@Hongseok_**

 **Hongseok** : can i have a croissant pretty please??? i’ll give you uhhhhh

 **Hongseok** : a wrinkly coupon for the noodleshop close to campus

 **Hongseok** : u know the one

 **Hongseok** : with the ahjumma that makes the spiciest noodles

 **Kang Dongho** : the one with the hot granddaughter?

 **Hongseok** : i think so???

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Does anyone else want something

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Speak now or hold your silence forever

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Wishful thinking, alas, but a man can hope

 **shortstack chan** : w o w mean

 **shortstack chan** : shit sORRY

 **shortstack chan** : I DIDNT MEAN THAT

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Hmmm careful there

 **mini gyu** : i want hot chocolate

 **mini gyu** : please

 **mini gyu** : with a cherry on top

 **mini gyu** : (◕‸ ◕✿) *pout*

 **mini gyu** : mmmm hot choccy

 **Hongseok** : ಠ_ಠ

 **Hongseok** : (ง ͠ಠ_ಠ)ง

 **joonie** : Ohmygod

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You’re lucky you’re cute, kid

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Anything else?

 **Kang Dongho** : bleach for my eyes thank u

 **shortstack chan** : same

 **Hongseok** : mood

 **mini gyu** : FUCK U GUYS

 **joonie** : I think we’re good

 **Hoseokie** : aight he’s gone in

 **Hoseokie** : we’ll be around shortly

 **joonie** : Bless u

 **Big Matthew** : Thb I don’t even know what i expected when i made this chat

 **Hongseok** : well u got this which is definitely better than anything u could’ve expected

 **mini gyu** : owo

 **Hoseokie** : ur so lucky lololol **_@Big Matthew_**

**Big Matthew** : But wait, what about the video idea????

-:-


	2. episode ii: introductions (or an attempt at)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shortstack chan: mingyu stop sending thirst traps to people you dont know challenge failed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is this a thing

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**joonie** : So

 **joonie** : It’s been a few days

 **joonie** : How did the filming of that video go anyway?

 **Kang Dongho** : We Do Not Talk About That

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …

 **mini gyu** : lmaaaaaoaoaooa

 **mini gyu** : u ate shit didnt u

 **Kang Dongho** : We. Do Not. Talk. About. That.

 **shortstack chan** : does anyone have it on video

 **shortstack chan** : asking for uhhh science

 **mini gyu** : smooth

 **Kang Dongho** : No

 **Hoseokie** : yes

 **joonie** : So What’s The Truth

 **Kang Dongho** : You told me you had deleted that!!!!

 **Hoseokie** : i did?

 **Hoseokie** : when?

 **Hongseok** : uhhh **_@Kang Dongho_** pretty sure u asked /me/ and not **_@Hoseokie_**

 **Kang Dongho** : Oh my god

 **Kang Dongho** : Why

 **Kang Dongho** : Why must I Suffer

 **joonie** : Capitalism

 **Hongseok** : the entertainment of others

 **mini gyu** : for funsies!!!

 **shortstack chan** : bees?

 **Big Matthew** : No pain no gain, brother!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Because you decided it was a good idea to try to dance on a treadmill

 **Hoseokie** : ,,just because

 **Kang Dongho** : . . .

 **Kang Dongho** : You are all awful and I hate you

 **Hongseok** : _[attached image]_

**Hongseok** : no u don’t uwu

 **joonie** : Tragic

 **shortstack chan** : ohno what a travesty im truly devastated

 **joonie** : You look very cute! **_@Hongseok_**

 **Kang Dongho** : YES I DO

 **Hongseok** : thank uuu! ^^ **_@joonie_** ♥

 **mini gyu** : i dont even know u :c

 **joonie** : ♥ **_@Hongseok_**

 **mini gyu** : _[attached image]_

**mini gyu** : how could u hate THIS

 **shortstack chan** : mingyu stop sending thirst traps to people you dont know challenge failed

 **Hoseokie** : lookin good gyu!!

 **Big Matthew** : Aaayyyyy dope pic bro

 **mini gyu** : just say u hate me & go **_@shortstack chan_**

 **shortstack chan** : ok i hate you

 **joonie** : Wait mingyuyah has a point tho

 **mini gyu** : i do?

 **mini gyu** : i mean, ofc i do duh

 **joonie** : Ive never met half of you guys

 **Son Hyunwoo** : To be fair

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I think that Matthew is the only one who knows everyone here

 **mini gyu** : AUWTCH CHANNIE THATS MEAN

 **mini gyu** : :((((

 **Big Matthew** : Yeah! As founder of the Big Tiddie Committee I thought long and hard about who to add to this very exclusive chat

 **Big Matthew** : You guys are the chosen ones

 **Hoseokie** : how do you even know all of us? **_@Big Matthew_**

 **Kang Dongho** : Yeah, how exactly?

 **shortstack chan** : heh

 **shortstack chan** : wanna know what else is long and hard?

 **Kang Dongho** : And WHY, pray tell, did you think it would be a good idea to make this chat

 **Hongseok** : i will kcik u in the kneecaps specifically **_@shortstack chan_**

 **Big Matthew** : lol I needed volunteers for the Video We Don’t Talk About

 **Hoseokie** : OH RIGHT

 **Hoseokie** : thanks for the reminder lmao

 **Hoseokie** : do you still want the promised vid **_@shortstack chan_**

 **Kang Dongho** : I swear to everything that is holy

 **shortstack chan** : ohmygod yes of course

 **shortstack chan** : i will give you my firstborn

 **Hoseokie** : tf would i do with a child bruh

 **Hongseok** : uhhh u could Hold It Gently

 **mini gyu** : jeez these nicknames r confUSHION

 **mini gyu** : lemme just,,,,

**_mini gyu_ ** _has changed **Hongseok** ’s nickname to **Honggie**_

**Honggie** : cute owo

 **Hoseokie** : don’t I get another cute nickname?? D:

 **joonie** : Yours was already cute all along ♡(◕ᗜ◕✿)

 **Hoseokie** : (◕▽◕✿)

 **mini gyu** : AY KNEE WHO

 **mini gyu** : bm hyung and i met @ a concert

 **mini gyu** : underground bebop jazz gigs get wILD lemme tell u that

 **Big Matthew** : HAHAHAHA true

 **mini gyu** : at one point we were asked to go all the way to the baqck cuz we were too tall

 **mini gyu** : >:c

 **joonie** : Long leg problems :/

 **joonie** : Been there

 **Honggie** : relatable

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I know the feeling

 **shortstack chan** : … wow rude

 **mini gyu** : lololol

 **mini gyu** : suxs to be u shortstack

 **Big Matthew** : It was a fun night! the bouncer that threw us out was a cool dude

 **shortstack chan** : W O W R U D E

 **mini gyu** : nywho we dont need to address thAt

 **mini gyu** : what about yall

 **joonie** : …you got kicked out? from a jazz gig?

 **Honggie** : lmaoo

 **mini gyu** : Let’s Chnage The Topic Now Please

 **mini gyu** : help me out **_@Son Hyunwoo_** howd u meet bm hyung!!!!!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing there

 **Son Hyunwoo** : But I’ll bite

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Matthew & I go to the same gym

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I had seen him around a few times

 **Son Hyunwoo** : One day he came to me, said ‘nice tits, bro’ and immediately asked if I could spot him

 **mini gyu** : did u say yes

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I said yes and the rest is, like they say, history

 **shortstack chan** : cute

 **mini gyu** : :’)

 **joonie** : Riveting

 **Honggie** : ah truly a love story for the ages

 **Honggie** : but

 **Honggie** : alas not as thrilling as /our first meeting amirite

 **Honggie** : we met during a flashmob

 **Big Matthew** : Oh yeah!!

 **Big Matthew** : We had a body-roll off

 **Big Matthew** : Good times

 **Kang Dongho** : Who won?

 **Honggie** : me

 **mini gyu** : legend

 **shortstack chan** : but at What cost

 **Honggie** : i had a backache for like three days lol

 **Hoseokie** : hahaaaa loser

 **Hoseokie** : was it worth it?

 **Honggie** : abso-fucking-lutely

 **Honggie** : im the bodyroll king

 **Big Matthew** : I can out-twerk you any day so it’s alright **_@Honggie_**

 **joonie** : Neat

 **Honggie** : doubtful, but let’s move on

 **Honggie** : wbu **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Kang Dongho** : Uhhh nothing special, I think?

 **Kang Dongho** : Matt and I know each other from childhood

 **Kang Dongho** : His mum knew my mum and we used to have playdates

 **shortstack** **chan** : that is aDORABLE

 **joonie** : Omg!!

 **Big Matthew** :Heh I remember

 **Big Matthew** : You always brought the coolest toy cars

 **Big Matthew** : And didn’t like to share,,

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Very cute

 **Kang Dongho** : I was four!

 **Kang Dongho** : Besides, the times I lent you my toy cars /you/ refused to share

 **Big Matthew** : Ehhh water under the bridge, right?

 **Honggie:** hahahahahhahahaha

 **Kang Dongho** : …right

 **Kang Dongho** : Anyway, next one

 **Hoseokie** : my turn!!

 **Hoseokie** : we met at the gym too but we only started talking cuz we were wearing the same graphic tanktop

 **Hoseokie** : this was us

 **Hoseokie** : _[attached image]_

**Big Matthew** : Now that you mention it, I think I’ve lost that particular tanktop…

 **Hoseokie** : sAD

 **Hoseokie** : HOW COULD U

 **mini gyu** : hOW COULD YOU

 **shortstack chan** : yeah how could you????????????

 **Honggie** : HOW

 **joonie** : HOW COULD YOU

 **Kang Dongho** : Oh Christ is2g

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Kids, c’mon

 **Big Matthew** : IM SORRY OKAY I DIDN’T DO IT ON PURPOSE

 **Hoseokie** : …

 **Hoseokie** : ok you’re forgiven

 **Hoseokie** : but you’re on thin fucking ice, my friend

 **Kang Dongho** : Next, pleASE

 **shortstack chan** : my turn then, i guess?

 **mini gyu** : spill the beans

 **shortstack chan** : honestly it’s not that interesting of a story

 **Big Matthew** : We met at a coffeeshop, and we sat at the same table

 **Honggie** : oh? do tell

 **shortstack chan** : hyung heard the song i was listening through my headphones and we sort of had a fanboy moment together when he mentioned he liked that rapper

 **shortstack chan** : and yeah we became friends after that

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Just like that?

 **shortstack chan** : just like that

 **mini gyu** : noice

 **Honggie** : owo

 **Honggie** : your turn to tell a story!! **_@joonie_**

 **joonie** : right of course

 **joonie** : Matt-hyung and i met at a costume party

 **joonie** : i was sailor moon and he was the only other dude at the party also rockin a skirt, so we bonded about that

 **Kang Dongho** : Lit

 **Kang Dongho** : What were you dressed at? **_@Big Matthew_**

 **Big Matthew** : Honestly,,,,

 **Big Matthew** : I have no idea tbh

 **Big Matthew** : My flatmate just dragged me into her room and threw an assortment of glittery stuff at me saying my legs were wasted in the original costume I was planning on wearing, so yeahhhh

 **Hoseokie** : iconic

 **shortstack chan** : what a legend

 **Hoseokie** : you should introduce us to her some time

 **Big Matthew** : Absolutely NOT

 **Honggie** : but we’re good boys!!

 **Big Matthew** : No youre not youre all heathens

 **Big Matthew** : But that’s not the problem

 **Big Matthew** : She would eat y’all /alive

 **joonie** : . . .

 **joonie** : I don’t have an opinion about that

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Namjoon-ah

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Darling

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You have an opinion about EVERYTHING

 **joonie** : if you could just,,, not Call Me Out like that??

 **Son Hyunwoo** : And if you don’t have enough information about the topic

 **shortstack chan** : ohmygod

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You research said topic until you have formed an opinion

 **joonie** : well daMN im sorry for existing???

 **Son Hyunwoo** : And make that New Opinion known to the world

 **joonie** : >:///////

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Which is something I greatly admire about you

 **Joonie** : oh

 **Son Hyunwoo** : .

 **Honggie** : :^)

 **Honggie** : cute

 **shortstack chan** : you two seem awfully familiar with each other

 **mini gyu** : how do u even /know/ each other **_@joonie_** **_@Son Hyunwoo_** ?????

 **joonie** : oh lol

 **joonie** : well

 **Son Hyunwoo** : We’re very close friends

 **joonie** : very close friends who fuck

 **joonie** : c:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just,,, couldn't resist :^)


	3. episode iii: a day in the life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mini gyu: the lord is testing me
> 
> Honggie: what did you do This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *logs in* *drops this raging dumpsterfire in ur laps* *logs off*

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**mini gyu** : the lord is testing me

 **Honggie** : what did you do This Time

 **mini gyu** : I SWALLOWED A BUG

 **Big Matthew** : Why would u do something like that??

 **mini gyu** : I DIDNT DO IT ON PURPOSE

 **joonie** : john_cena_are_you_sure_about_that.gif

 **mini gyu** : WHY WOULD I SWALLOW

 **mini gyu** : A BUG

 **mini gyu** : ON PURPOSE

 **shortstack chan** : idk u tell me

 **shortstack chan** : ive long since given up on trying to understand how ur brain works

 **mini gyu** : eye-

 **mini gyu** : w o w

 **mini gyu** : dont gang up on me >:c

 **Kang Dongho** : What goes on

 **Kang Dongho** : Must you always blow up this chat!!!! At godawful hours of the night!!

 **joonie** : witching hours open (ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

 **Hoseokie** : yay!! (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ ‥…━━━★

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Cute

 **joonie** : uwu <333 **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **Hoseokie** : hehe

 **mini gyu** : well, i swallowed a bug at 2am

 **mini gyu** : and felt compelled to share it w u guys

 **mini gyu** : sue me

 **mini gyu** : ,,,w a i t

 **mini gyu** : on 2nd thot dont sue me im poor

 **Honggie** : who u calling a thot

 **mini gyu** : C= C= C= C=┌( `ー´)┘

 **Kang Dongho** : Fine!!!!!!

 **Kang Dongho** : My lawyers will contact you soon

 **Kang Dongho** : At a Reasonable Hour, because they’re not heathens like Some Other People I Know

 **mini gyu** : ill fight ur lawyers dont test me

 **Big Matthew** : Idk if challenging a lawyer to a fistfight is legal

 **mini gyu** : do i look like i give a diddly darn fUCC ill borrow hyungs katana

 **Honggie** : idk u also swallow bugs for funsies so ure kinda unpredictable

 **joonie** : Only challenge the lawyers to a fight if youre sure you’ll win

 **mini gyu** : (ಠ o ಠ)¤=[]:::::>

 **Son Hyunwoo** : **_@mini gyu_** that’s not a katana?

 **Hoseokie** : who says i’ll even let you use my katana asdghjk

 **shortstack chan** : not to interrupt this riveting discussion but what i wanna know is why **_@Kang Dongho_** is replying to this chat if he supposedly was asleep *side eye emoji*

 **Kang Dongho** : Shut!!!!!!!

 **shortstack chan** : oh really how do u always pop up when there’s tea being spilled (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **shortstack chan** : riddle me tHAT

 **Honggie** : **_@Kang Dongho_** has our notifs on!!! pass it on!!!!!!

 **Kang Dongho** : I Do Not

 **Kang Dongho** : Don’t expose me like that

 **Hoseokie** : im afraid you brought this upon yourself owo

 **joonie** : I think it’s cute tho

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Babe, you think the weirdest things are cute

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You think frogs are cute

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You think /I/ am cute

 **joonie** : yOU ARE CUTE

 **joonie** : also frogs???? Are the best???? How dare you????

 **Honggie** : i agree

 **Son Hyunwoo** : With Joon-ah or with me

 **Honggie** : yes

 **mini gyu** : lmaoooooo tahts helpful

 **Big Matthew** : I agree with namjoon **_@Son Hyunwoo_** u are cute brooo

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Thank you

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed **Big Tiddie Committee** ’s name to **Frogs Are Friends**_

 **shortstack chan** : noice

 **Kang Dongho** : Valid

 **Big Matthew** : kim namjoon

 **Big Matthew** : Did you just change the chat name

 **Big Matthew** : That I so painstakingly chose

 **Big Matthew** : Without asking

 **joonie** : ralph_bus_meme.jpg

 **Honggie** : ADGHGDHSFLDFG

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed **Frogs Are Friends** ’s name to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

 **Big Matthew** : Good boy.

 **joonie** : *:ﾟ*｡⋆ฺ(*´◡`)

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …

 **Honggie:** oh snaple crackle :^)

 **Kang Dongho** : I have so many regrets

 **shortstack chan** : but having ur notifs on for this chat aint one of them :))))

 **Kang Dongho** : …brat **_@shortstack chan_**

 **mini gyu** : anywhoop

 **mini gyu** : yo hyung

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Yes?

 **Hoseokie** : whats up

 **Big Matthew** : Ayyyyyy

 **Kang Dongho** : …yes, what’s the matter?

 **Honggie** : present

 **mini gyu** : . . .

 **mini gyu** : not you guys

 **mini gyu** : the cool hyung

 **shortstack chan** : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …Yes?

 **Hoseokie** : AGAIN, WHATS UP

 **Big Matthew** : AYYYYYY IM HERE

 **Kang Dongho** : …YES WHAT’S THE MATTER?

 **Honggie** : STILL PRESENT

 **mini gyu** : sjsjsjsjsjsjs

 **mini gyu** : yall lame

 **mini gyu** : i mean **_@joonie_**

 **joonie** : W hat

 **joonie** : me???

 **mini gyu** : y e s who else lmao

 **joonie** : gyu i love you youre the first one to tell me im cool :’)

 **joonie** : is this what Validation feels like

 **mini gyu** : doubtful bc guk literally Doesn’t Shut Up About You And How Cool You Are, but i digress

 **joonie** : oh

 **Honggie** : oh? :D

 **joonie** : Really??

 **Hoseokie** : well well well tahts interesting :^)

 **joonie** : still, you’re my new favourite dongsaeng **_@mini gyu_** let’s go eat sometime

 **joonie** : hyung will pay

 **joonie** : ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

 **Mini gyu** : CAN I SCREENSHOT THAT I WANNA RUB IT IN GUK’S FACE HE’S ALREADY JEALOUS THAT HE CAN’T BE IN THIS CHAT PLS PLS PLS **_@joonie_** **_@joonie_** **_@joonie_**

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …

 **joonie** : haha sure

 **mini gyu** : thank u i owe u my LIFE

 **Honggie** : inch arresting hohoho

 **Kang Dongho** : What just happened

 **Hoseokie** : A lot

 **Kang Dongho** : That’s not very helpful **_@Hoseokie_**

 **Hoseokie** : you’re welcome

 **Big Matthew** : Yo tell that kid guk that if he wants to join he’ll have to grow tiddies worthy of this chat **_@mini gyu_**

 **mini gyu** : will do lolololol he hasnt seen the screenshot i sent him yet but i bet he’ll fr move into the gym as soon as i tell him

 **shortstack chan** : asdfhgkl

 **Big Matthew** : We like determined people in this household!!

 **Honggie** : we stan owo

 **mini gyu** : hmmmmm ten thousand won says he’ll go feral foam at the mouth ballistic kinda crazy cuz he’s been wAITING for this opportunity to shoot his shot

 **Kang Dongho** : What The Fuck

 **Son Hyunwoo** : He what

 **Honggie** : GYU LMAOOOOO

 **joonie** : mini_keanu_reeves.jpg

 **Hoseokie** : ASDFGHJKL J O O N I E

 **shortstack chan** : where is my popcorn when i need it gdi

 **mini gyu** : oh shit i almost forgot what i wanted to ask!!!!!!!!

 **mini gyu** : why dont u send the actual pics of the memes u wanna send **_@joonie_**

 **joonie** : Idk?? Started out cause my old phone broke and I lost all of my memes

 **joonie** : we’re talking about a thousand pics or so

 **joonie** : so I basically was too lazy to look ‘em all up again so yeah here we are

 **joonie** : at this point it has become sort of my signature in chats lol

 **mini gyu** : wicked

 **mini gyu** : ur so cool guk is right

 **joonie** : thanks????

 **joonie** : （*´▽｀*）

 **Honggie** : im still lowkey offended that im not considered A Cool Hyung but ill let it slide cuz this is very cute

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I agree, it is very cute

 **Hoseokie** : of coure :^)))))

 **Son Hyunwoo** : What?

 **Hoseokie** : Nothinnnn :^)))))))))

 **shortstack chan** : g o l d

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I don’t trust you **_@Hoseokie _**you’ve been very sneaky lately

 **Kang Dongho** : Smart decision

 **Hoseokie** : gASP

 **Hoseokie** : sLANDER

 **Kang Dongho** : It’s not slander if it’s true

 **Hoseokie** : auwtch

 **mini gyu** : sjsjsjsjsjsjs

 **Big Matthew** : C’mon guys don’t be mean to each other

 **shortstack chan** : dont be a party-pooper

 **shortstack chan** : hyung

 **Big Matthew** : No

 **Son Hyunwoo** : It’s getting late

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I’m gonna sleep

 **Kang Dongho** : Smart decision

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Goodnight

 **joonie** : hhhhhhhhhh

 **joonie** : he just plugged in his phone, turned around in bed and is now ignoring me

 **joonie** : Just Like That

 **Big Matthew** : Sleep tight bro **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **Honggie** : oh?? :)

 **shortstack chan** : asqdfjshqgl gnight hyung **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **joonie** : his phone pinged TWICE and he didn’t even sTIR

 **joonie** : I feel ignored now :c

 **Hoseokie** : awe poor joonie :c

 **Kang Dongho** : I’m going back to sleep too

 **Kang Dongho** : Night, fuckers

 **Hoseokie** : GOOD NIGHT TO YOU TOO ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

 **Kang Dongho** : What the fuck

 **joonie** : imma go annoy hyunie-hyung into cuddling me

 **joonie** : nighty night!! (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡

 **mini gyu** : legend

 **mini gyu** : good night joon hyung ur the only one ever

 **joonie** : (*´∀`*) ily

 **Honggie** : i fucking love this chat

 **Big Matthew** : Hongseok go to sleep it’s 3am

 **Honggie** : yeah yeah whatevs

 **Honggie** : sweet dreams @ all of you

 **shortstack chan** : right back at u

 **shortstack chan** : im not gonna sleep yet

 **shortstack chan** : the grind never stops

**shortstack chan** : aight imma sleep too now peace out bitches

_[sent: 4:58AM]_

**Son Hyunwoo** : Sometimes I worry about you, kid

_[sent: 7:06AM]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gyu really keeps the chat spicy huh :^)


	4. episode iv: hongseok's dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kang Dongho: I hate this chat
> 
> shortstack chan: i love this chat
> 
> joonie: i am ambivalent abt this caht

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is this a thing? well, because i have So Much Fun writing it, no other reason needed :^)

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**Honggie** : henlo

 **Kang Dongho** : No

 **Big Matthew** : Bro

 **Honggie** : why

 **Honggie** : i didn’t say anything yet

 **Honggie** : I Came Out to Have a Good Time and I'm Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now

 **Kang Dongho** : IT IS 3A FUCKIN M

 **Honggie** : YEAH SO?????

 **Hoseokie** : . . .

 **Honggie** : as i was sayin

 **Honggie** : henlo

 **joonie** : hellooo~

 **joonie** : what glorious distraction do you have to offer to this humble procrastinator?

 **shortstack chan** : lololololol we’re in the same boat here then **_@joonie_**

 **shortstack chan** : ive been postponing this essay for like,,, wEEKS

 **shortstack chan** : and mama didn’t raise a quitter

 **shortstack chan** : so why stop procrastinating now, amirite fellas

 **mini gyu** : lmao i mean same but how do u even function on a daily basis dude

 **mini gyu** : also not the sound like a broken record but,,,,,,,,,

 **mini gyu** : why are yall awake

 **shortstack chan** : i simply Do Not **_@mini gyu_**

 **shortstack chan** : & i blame the evil social construct also known as university

 **Honggie** : ^ moooooooooood

 **Big Matthew** : The Grind Never Stops, Bro

 **Kang Dongho** : Inconsiderate friends

 **Hoseokie** : Caffeine overdose

 **joonie** : bad life decisions

 **Son Hyunwoo** : A noisy bedfellow

 **Honggie** : oh? :)

 **Hoseokie** : Oh my

 **joonie** : take that back >:/

 **Son Hyunwoo** : No

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I’ve been trying to sleep for an HOUR

 **mini gyu** : hhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You’ve been tossing and turning all this time

 **joonie** : look at this drama queen

 **joonie** : _[attached image]_

**Son Hyunwoo** : DID YOU SERIOUSLY TURN ON THE LIGHTS JUST TO TAKE THAT PIC

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I can’t BELIEVE it

 **joonie** : i also uncuddled you to do that but i don’t see you complaining about that

 **joonie** : :///

 **Son Hyunwoo** : …that’s because I knew you’d return to bed quickly

 **shortstack chan** : namwoo stop flirting in the groupchat challenge failed

 **Honggie** : sHUT UP **_@shortstack chan_** some of us Don’t Mind ᵗʰᵉ ˢʰᵒʷ

 **Hoseokie** : let the lovebirds do their weird mating ritual in peace

 **joonie** : hahahaha we’re not boyfriends tho

 **Honggie** : of course :))

 **Kang Dongho** : Are you sure about that?

 **joonie** : hhhhhhh why wouldn’t i be???

 **shortstack chan** : No Reason Whatsoever

 **shortstack chan** : obviously

 **mini gyu** : ashdfjglsdgdls dUde

 **joonie** : :// am i missing Something

 **Hoseokie** : Don’t mind them!!

 **Big Matthew** : NO BULLYING IN MY GROUPCHAT

 **Big Matthew** : OR I WILL DO

 **Big Matthew** : SOMETHING

 **Kang Dongho** : I Was Just Saying

 **Honggie** : do waht, exactly? O_o

 **shortstack chan** : something bad, im sure

 **mini gyu** : owo

 **Big Matthew** : Don’t make me count to three

 **Big Matthew** : Because I will count to three and y’all will be sorry

 **shortstack chan** : sorry dad

 **Honggie** : sorry dad

 **mini gyu** : sorry daddy

 **Kang Dongho** : MINGYU NO

 **Hoseokie** : Gyu yes!!

 **joonie** : we don’t kinkshame in this chat **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Big Matthew** : Good boys

 **Big Matthew** : Now

 **Big Matthew** : Why did you need our opinion **_@Honggie_**

 **Honggie** : oh!!!

 **Honggie** : i almost forgot!!

 **Honggie** : someone convince me /not/ to shave off my eyebrows

 **mini gyu** : ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ohmygOD

 **Big Matthew** : BROOOO THAT’S LIIIIIT

 **Honggie** : pls pls pls the urge is irresistible i need someone with Common Sense to talk me out of it

 **shortstack chan** : do it, coward

 **Hoseokie** : SEND PICS IF U DO CUZ I REALLY CANT PICTURE U WITHOUT EYEBROWS

 **Honggie** : gUYS PLS

 **joonie** : maybe shaving them off wouldn’t be the best idea…

 **Honggie** : finALLY

 **joonie** : try bleaching them

 **Honggie** : ,,nvm

 **Kang Dongho** : Have you considered this: don’t

 **Honggie** : IT ISNT THAT EASY

 **Kang Dongho** : LOL

 **Kang Dongho** : Weak

 **shortstack chan** : shave off only one

 **Hoseokie** : Shave off half of each

 **Hoseokie** : But make it the inner halves

 **Honggie** : sTOP GIVING ME BAD IDEAS

 **joonie** : ohmygod genius **_@Hoseokie_**

 **Honggie** : why did i EVER think yall would be helpful

 **mini gyu** : i ask myself the same thing lmaoaoaoa

 **Kang Dongho** : I’m with you on this one **_@Honggie_**

 **Kang Dongho** : Honestly, what did you expect?? Good advice?? From this particular circus of clowns?? It’s a constant battle for the spot of Biggest Fool

 **shortstack chan** : ,,,,harsh but true ngl lolololol

 **mini gyu** : AS DEFENDING CHAMPION, ARE YOU NERVOUS SOMEONE’S GONNA STEAL UR N° 1 SPOT? **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Honggie** : ASSDJKLSHGMSGHQMSHGMDSH GYU

 **Big Matthew** : Oh my god

 **Hoseokie** : HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 **Kang Dongho** : MINGYU YOU PUNK

 **mini gyu** : WHAT

 **Kang Dongho** : TAKE IT BACK

 **mini gyu** : NEVER

 **shortstack chan** : fight fight fight fight fight

 **mini gyu** : whatchu gon do now huh????? **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Big Matthew** : GUYS

 **Big Matthew** : NO FIGHTING IN MY CHAT

 **Hoseokie** : CHAN DON’T **_@shortstack chan_**

 **Kang Dongho** : OH IT’S ON SIGHT **_@mini gyu_**

 **shortstack chan** : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

 **Big Matthew** : I DIDN’T START THIS DISCUSSION BUT I’LL FINISH IT

 **Hoseokie** : Quick, someone do some conflict de-escalation

 **joonie** : ok ok

 **shortstack chan** : ohmygod

 **Honggie** : what is even happeninG

 **joonie** : Y’ALL

 **joonie** : i think we’re gR e at ata givng adivec

 **joonie** : fucvjlksjd typO

 **mini gyu** : lmao whassup **_@joonie_** ???

 **Hoseokie** : Are u alright??? **_@joonie_**

 **Big Matthew** : Yoo homie you OK?

 **joonie** : m f1ne!!!!

 **joonie** : hyu ng iS plastrd to m y fr0nt

 **joonie** : i canT see my scrn prprly

 **Honggie** : oh? :)

 **joonie** : beeacuse im tyring to typRe ovr his shoulderr

 **joonie** : fck

 **mini gyu** : rrrrrrrrrrip

 **Hoseokie** : Heh you’re STUCK stuck then

 **shortstack chan** : naaaah he’d be ‘stuck’ if he didn’t want to be there :>

 **Hoseokie** : Shit u right

 **joonie** : waht

 **mini gyu** : asdfjgdfshflkmsd

 **Big Matthew** : Hahahahaha

 **joonie** : wernet we talkng about shvin offf eysbrows

 **joonie** : fun stuff u kno

 **Honggie** : but this is waaaaay more interesting :)

 **Kang Dongho** : The way you use those smileys is slightly disturbing **_@Honggie_**

 **Honggie** : why :)

 **Kang Dongho** : You terrify me

 **Honggie** : :)))))))))))

 **mini gyu** : ohmy god

 **Hoseokie** : Yo **_@joonie_** one question,,, was hyunie sulking

 **joonie** : ??? wdy m

 **Hoseokie** : Right before he went to sleep now, I mean

 **shortstack chan** : hhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **joonie** : oh!

 **joonie** : sor ta ://

 **joonie** : idk wHy tho?

 **Hoseokie** : OK thank you :)

 **joonie** : ?????????,,

 **Kang Dongho** : I have a hunch as to why

 **shortstack chan** : I can’t believe im allowed to be part of this chat fOR FREE

 **mini gyu** : same ^

 **Big Matthew** : Do you want me to charge you??? **_@shortstack chan_** **_@mini gyu_**

 **shortstack chan** : nO

 **mini gyu** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Honggie** : the entertainment value this offers is priceless anyway **_@Big Matthew_**

 **Honggie** : no amount of money would be enough

 **Kang Dongho** : I hate this chat

 **shortstack chan** : i love this chat

 **joonie** : i am ambivalent abt this caht

 **joonie** : m goig to shleep now

 **joonie** : knda neet to pee but hyung wont releasE me

 **Hoseokie** : Small sacrifices, honey

 **Kang Dongho** : A smart man **_@joonie_**

 **Kang Dongho** : I’m going too

 **joonie** : gnight @ all of yo u

 **joonie** : also **_@Honggie_** sleep on t he whoLE shavin thing nd if u ffl the saem in th morngng, go for itt

 **Honggie** : THANK U URE THE ONLY MAN EVER **_@joonie_** <3333

 **joonie** : <333 **_@Honggie_**

 **mini gyu** : i’d say i take offense in that, but i agree **_@Honggie_** **_@joonie_**

 **shortstack chan** : same

 **Hoseokie** : Same

 **joonie** : hhhhhhhh ily <333333

 **Big Matthew** : Hahahhaha sleep tight y’all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: WRITING THESE GUYS IS LIKE HERDING CATS BUT WHILE WEARING A BLINDFOLD AND BOTH HANDS TIED BEHIND THE BACK


	5. episode v: gay or european?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mini gyu** : wHAT CLOWNERY IS THIS
> 
> **joonie** : hhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH HONGGIE OHNO
> 
> **Son Hyunwoo** : What did you do?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was sad so i wrote this to make myself feel better
> 
> i hope this brings a smile to your face (yes! yours!)

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**Honggie** : Greetings, people

**joonie** : hi~!! person who’s not honggie? i think?

**Honggie** : First of all he-LLO this is a groupchat I wouldn’t mind being part of because wow

**Honggie** : Eyecandy, every single one of you

**Big Matthew** : Wassuuuup!

**Honggie** : Second of all,

**Honggie** : Which one of you gorgeous specimens is the one to blame for Hongseokie's Best Worst Mistake Ever

**mini gyu** : ???????? who r u & what r u talkin about

**Honggie** : I’m hyojong! Seokie’s best friend and Keeper of the Shared Braincell! We live together

**Honggie** : _[attached image]_

**shortstack chan** : oh no he’s hot

**Honggie** : Howdy

**Honggie** : And I’m talking about THIS

**Honggie** : _[attached image]_

**mini gyu** : BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

**Big Matthew** : BROOOOOOO OH MY GOD

**shortstack chan** : HONGSEOK HYUNG WHT THE FUCKKK WHAT DID U DO HAHAHAHA

**mini gyu** : wHAT CLOWNERY IS THIS

**joonie** : hhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH HONGGIE OHNO

**Son Hyunwoo** : What did you do?!

**shortstack chan** : **_@Hoseokie_** **_@Hoseokie_** **_@Hoseokie_** loOK WHAT YOU DID

**joonie** : **_@Hoseokie_** take responsibility >:c

**Kang Dongho** : WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED

**Hoseokie** : What is going on why is everyone yelling

**Hoseokie** : Ooooooooooh my god

**Hoseokie** : I am so fucking sorry

**Honggie** : So it’s you? You’re the mastermind behind this decision **_@Hoseokie_** ??

**Hoseokie** : ,,,,yes

**Honggie** : I owe you a beer then

**Hoseokie** : ??????????

**Honggie** : This is the single best thing that I’ve seen all year

**Honggie** : I laughed for about… 30 minutes straight? Hongseokie was NOT amused but wHO CARES

**Honggie** : The second I feel a little sad I just have to take one (1) look at him & bAM!!!!

**Honggie** : Immediate serotonin boost

**joonie** : what an infallible method lololol

**Honggie** : Works like a charm!!

**mini gyu** : iconic

**shortstack chan** : ngl it’s certainly,, an interesting Look

**joonie** : they’ll grow back!! dont worry!!!

**Big Matthew** : Takes balls, that’s for surrrrrrrrrrre

**Honggie** : Anyway, send me a private message when you’re free **_@Hoseokie_** on my own acc **_@Hyojong_1994_** uwu I’ll treat you to that promised beer

**Hoseokie** : Will do!

**Honggie** : OK I’m out, bye y’all~~~

**joonie** : it was nice meeting you!! byebye!

**shortstack chan** : whatta legend

**Big Matthew** : cIAO

**shortstack chan** : he came, he shook us, he left

**shortstack chan** : that’s the legacy i wanna leave behind

**Honggie** : yaaaaaaAAAAAAALL IM BACC

**Kang Dongho** : And it’s not some ungodly hour in the AM! Who would’ve thought! Colour me surprised!

**Son Hyunwoo** : I’m pleasantly surprised too

**joonie** : your bite is lethal jeez

**shortstack chan** : lmaoaoaoao

**Big Matthew** : /I’m surprised nobody’s asleep right now

**Hoseokie** : Wdym it’s like 6

**Kang Dongho** : It’s 6PM?

**Big Matthew** : Exactly

**shortstack chan** : i just woke up from a nap rn

**Kang Dongho** : Yeah, but you don’t count **_@shortstack chan_**

**Kang Dongho** : You’re a night gremlin

**shortstack chan** : ,,,,,,,,thats valid

**joonie** : i also had a short siesta earlier ngl

**Son Hyunwoo** : You had catnaps on and off all afternoon **_@joonie_** that’s /multiple ‘siestas’

**joonie** : well yeah but your lap is so comfy :>

**Honggie** : :)))

**joonie** : you cant blame me

**Big Matthew** : LOL

**Son Hyunwoo** : I wasn’t complaining though

**Hoseokie** : AAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

**Big Matthew** : wHOOOOP WHOOP DAS MY BOY

**shortstack chan** : omg smooth

**Honggie** : YES HYUNG GO WOO THAT MAN

**joonie** : chill~ no need to woo me, i’m already very enthusiastic about diving into bed with hyunie uwu

**Kang Dongho** : …oh my god

**Hoseokie** : hhhhhhhhhh f

**mini gyu** : ffffffffff

**Big Matthew** : F

**shortstack chan** : f

**Honggie** : imma riot is2g

**joonie** : ???????????

**Son Hyunwoo** : …*sigh*

**Son Hyunwoo** : F

**Hoseokie** : Stay strong, buddy

**joonie** : what even goes on

**Kang Dongho** : You don’t wanna know **_@joonie_**

**joonie** : on the contrary!!! i really wanna know!! **_@Kang Dongho_**

**mini gyu** : hyung i love you **_@joonie_** you’re the Best

**shortstack chan** : mood

**Honggie** : ^

**joonie** : i love you too???

_[sent: 7:01PM]_

**mini gyu** : should i…………………

**mini gyu** : ,,,,well, might as well

**mini gyu** : hey fellas now that we’re all here anyway: is it gay to help your bro out with his erection, asking for a friend

**Kang Dongho** : What the fuck Mingyu

**shortstack chan** : .......r u the the friend

**mini gyu** : That Is Not Important

**Honggie** : depends, did u say No Homo afterwards or not

**mini gyu** : HHHHHHHHHH

**Hoseokie** : idk it sounds pretty gay to me overall...

**Big Matthew** : It's not gay if it's to help a homie out!

**Son Hyunwoo** : Maybe talk about it with your friend **_@mini gyu_**?

**joonie** : say it's a bro-job and call it a day

**mini gyu** : joonie hyung you are the Only Man Ever

**Hoseokie** : **_@joonie_** is that what you do with Hyunwoo-hyung? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**joonie** : lmao no

**joonie** : i am Extremely Gay for Hyunwoo-hyung there’s no shame in it

**Honggie** : wbk :)

**joonie** : also he’s great in bed & i will Never Shut Up About It

**joonie** : so there’s that

**Son Hyunwoo** : ghjgk

**Son Hyunwoo** : I

**Son Hyunwoo** : Didn’t mean to send that

**Hoseokie** : hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**mini gyu** : ,,,,,mood but also wow that’s /so gay

**Honggie** : don’t be homophobic **_@mini gyu_** !!!!

**shortstack chan** : yeah gyu dont be homophobic

**Kang Dongho** : Wow I can’t believe Mingyu is homophobic :///////

**Big Matthew** : NO HOMOPHOBIA IN MY CHAT

**mini gyu** : im not!!!!!!!!!! im very open to everything and everyone!!!1!!

**joonie** : are you sure :////

**mini gyu** : yes!!!!! i love dick!!!! all the dicks!!!! im not homophobic!!!!! if anything im heterophobic!!!!

**Son Hyunwoo** : Gyu…

**Hoseokie** : Oh-oh that’s Hyunwoo’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” voice…………. U gone goofed up now Gyu

**shortstack chan** : wow gyu rip in pieces

**mini gyu** : NO!!!!!!!!!

**Big Matthew** : Omg

**joonie** : o o f been in your shoes **_@mini gyu_** don’t envy you rn

**mini gyu** : DON’T GANG UP ON ME

**mini gyu** : YALL MEANIES

**mini gyu** : >:c

**Honggie** : so anyway which friend are u talking about

**Hoseokie** : Yeah! Do we know them??

**mini gyu** : Read at 1:09AM

**joonie** : ahdbqsldfb gyu

**shortstack chan** : that’s a yes if i’ve ever seen one!

**Big** **Matthew** : BAHAHAHAHAHA

**Kang** **Dongho** : Alright that’s it

**Kang** **Dongho** : I’m going to bed

**Kang** **Dongho** : Bye

**Son** **Hyunwoo** : Smart man

**Son Hyunwoo** : Goodnight!

**mini gyu:** that’s the first sensible thing said today in this chat, imma do the same

**Honggie** : WHOSE FALUT IS THAT HUH

**shortstack chan** : your eyebrows’ fault lmao **_@Honggie_**

**Honggie** : shut the h*ck up **_@shortstack chan_**

**Big Matthew:** Kids, don’t fight now

**joonie** : i’m being held hostage they’re gonna steal my phoqngnkejhhhhh

**Honggie** : hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**mini gyu** : ,,,,,,,,,do they even live together

**Hoseokie** : No :)))

**Honggie** : i see :))))))))

**shortstack chan** : so they’re always attached at the hip just because????

**Hoseokie** : Yes lol

**Honggie** : I SEE :)))))))))))))))))))))

**mini gyu** : jesus christ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is a plot


	6. episode vi: hallowe'en shenanians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **shortstack chan** : y’all don’t understAnd the seriousness of the situation
> 
>  **Honggie** : W H A T S I T U A T I O N
> 
>  **shortstack chan** : dude i was getting to it don’t rush me ://

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wolfi, platonic loml, this is for you,,,,, the little gremlin we talked about won't appear in this chapter but he's planning on striking next time, when he gets his tiny paws on Someone's phone :))
> 
> yes, there's no lockdown in this au because we're gonna live vicariously through them and have thusly a fun halloween, them's the rules

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**shortstack chan** : i cant believe im actually writing this in THIS particular godforsaken chat

 **shortstack chan** : but ℬlease

 **shortstack chan** : hELP!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Big Matthew** : Excuse me

 **Hoseokie** : Oof

 **Big Matthew** : You come into MY chat

 **Big Matthew** : You insult MY lovely creation

 **Honggie** : rrrrrrrrrrrip lmao u done goofed up channie

 **Kang Dongho** : I can’t believe it either **_@shortstack chan_**

 **Big Matthew** : And you ASK for help?

 **mini gyu** : the audacity of this guy smh

 **Hoseokie** : I feel like I should feel more offended than I am lmao

 **shortstack chan** : ,,,,,,,,,,

 **shortstack chan** : this is /exactly/ why i said i cant believe im asking y’all

 **joonie** : its_true_but_he_shouldnt_say_it.jpg

 **shortstack chan** : not u hyung u are a treasure & ily **_@joonie_**

 **joonie** : aww ily too youre a good kid <3

 **Big Matthew** : I BEG TO DIFFER

 **shortstack chan** : THEN BEG

 **Hoseokie** : HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **mini gyu** : 1-1-9 i just witnessed a murder most foul

 **Son Hyunwoo** : What’s the sitch?

 **Honggie** : i love that Hyunwoo-hyung appeared as soon as some1 mentionde calling the emergency nbmr

 **Honggie** : our saviour uwu

 **mini gyu** : alexa play whatta man by ioi

 **joonie** : uwu

 **Son Hyunwoo** : You joke about it, but I have that number saved in speed-dial

 **Honggie** : UWU

 **joonie** : i know, bebe <3

 **joonie** : and i think it’s Very Sexy of u

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Good.

 **Hoseokie** : Pheeew

 **Hoseokie** : No time for nonsense today huh **_@Son Hyunwoo_** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **mini gyu** : yes bby!!! u tell him!! **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **shortstack chan** : good for you, i’m very proud!!! but!!!!

 **shortstack chan** : y’all don’t understAnd the seriousness of the situation

 **Honggie** : W H A T S I T U A T I O N

 **shortstack chan** : dude i was getting to it don’t rush me ://

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed **shortstack chan** ’s nickname to **chan the bogeyman**_

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed **Hoseokie** ’s nickname to **haunted hoseokie**_

 **Kang Dongho** : IS2G

 **Honggie** : ohmy g o d

 **chan the bogeyman** : so

 **chan the bogeyman** : halloween is TONGIHT

 **chan the bogeyman** : and i have nO COSTUME

 **mini gyu** : bro just go as urself the dark circles under ur eyes are alredy pretty scary

 **chan the bogeyman** ; ,,,,,,,,,,i know where you live, gyu

 **mini gyu** : congratulations??? me too?? youre not special??

 **joonie** : asjsjsjsjsjsjsjs gYU

 **haunted hoseokie** : Good for you!

 **Kang Dongho** : I am Concerned about the fact that you needed to assure us of that fact **_@mini gyu_**

 **mini gyu** : why tho **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Kang Dongho** : ,,,,,nvm

 **chan the bogeyman** : Y’ALL

 **chan the bogeyman** : fOCUS

 **Honggie** : dont tell us what to do

 **joonie** : >://

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed **Big Matthew** ’s nickname to **Bog Matthew**_

 **_joonie_ ** _has changed their nickname to **spooky joonie**_

 **Bog Matthew** : LMAO

 **Son Hyunwoo** : We’ve been listening for the past 5 minutes but go off, I guess

 **chan the bogeyman** : hhhhhhhhh

 **mini gyu** : hold on

 **_mini gyu_ ** _has added **Jeon Jeongguk** to **Big Tiddie Committee**_

 **_mini gyu_ ** _has changed **Jeon Jeongguk** ’s nickname to **guk the spook**_

 **Honggie** : ooh???

 **guk the spook** : thank u v much gyu u a real one

 **mini gyu** : ASKDJBZKJDFBskjdf U LITERAL LY STOLE MY PHEON TO ADD URSELF U LYING LIAR

 **guk the spook** : also lmao @ ur nickname haha

 **spooky joonie** : GUKKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **guk the spook** : HYUNGAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **haunted hoseokie** : Who’s this? (⊙_⊙)

 **Bog Matthew** : Is it someone worthy of the Big Tiddie Committee?

 **spooky joonie** : yes

 **guk the spook** : Ye

 **mini gyu** : debatable

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Hmmm

 **chan the bogeyman** : HEL-L-O-O-O-OOOOO????

 **chan the bogeyman** : A LI’L HELP HERE

 **chan the bogeyman** : IM STILL IN A CRISIS

 **mini gyu** : pls suffer in silence thnxxxxxx

 **chan the bogeyman** : i hate u

 **mini gyu** : uwu right back at you <3

 **Bog Matthew** : Prove it **_@guk the spook_**

 **Honggie** : Ooooooooooh thirst trap time!!!!

 **guk the spook** : bet

 **haunted hoseokie** : THIRST TRAP THIRST TRAP THIRST TRAP THIRST TRAP THIRST TRAP THRISST TARP

 **spooky joonie** : ooooh yes!

 **guk the spook** : ok!!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Hmmmmmm

 **guk the spook** : _[image attached]_

**mini gyu** : FUCK IT UP GUKKIE

 **Honggie** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

 **spooky joonie** : ooooof guk!!!

 **guk the spook** : :D

 **haunted hoseokie** : Oh daaaaayum

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Not bad, kid

 **guk the spook** : need more proof? （￣へ￣）

 **Bog Matthew** : Hmmm yes

 **guk the spook** : gotchu fam

 **guk the spook** : _[image attached]_

**Bog Matthew** : Welcome to the chat, kiddo!!

 **mini gyu** : lmao slut is that the pic i took of u from ur dance recital

 **Kang Dongho** : That’s pretty impressive! Are you sure you want to be part of this chat, though? **_@guk the spook_**

 **Honggie** : akbflkzhbafskbf **_@Kang Dongho_** savage

 **Bog Matthew** : HEY

 **Bog Matthew** : WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **guk the spook** : v sure!!!!! Been waiting for months!!

 **Kang Dongho** : Exactly what it says on the tin **_@Bog Matthew_**

 **spooky joonie** : aww gukah you could’ve asked me i would’ve added you

 **guk the spook** : ahdsh

 **guk the spook** : I mean,,,, really???

 **Bog Matthew** : FIGHT ME **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **spooky joonie** : of course!!! We’re friends!

 **guk the spook** : yes!!!! we are!!!

 **Kang Dongho** : SAY THE TIME AND PLACE **_@Bog Matthew_**

 **haunted hoseokie** : CALM DOWN YO

 **mini gyu** : i want a cute halloween nickname too :c

 **haunted hoseokie** : NOT IN FRONT OF THHE KIDS

 **chan the bogeyman** : and i want y’all’s help but here we are **_@mini gyu_**

 **chan the bogeyman** : we cnt all get what we want, do we

 **Kang Dongho** : WE’RE ALL GROWN-ASS MEN HERE, SHIN HOSEOK

 **Son Hyunwoo** : OK OK Chan we’ll help you

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Do you have any ideas to choose from, or?

 **Honggie** : we /do/ like ass yes **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **Kang Dongho** : I will fight yiu too **_@Honggie_**

 **chan the bogeyman** : hyung i love you marry me **_@Son Hyunwoo_**

 **mini gyu** : ooooooooooh they stealin ur man **_@spooky joonie_**

 **spooky joonie** : mood **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **Son Hyunwoo** : GHJJHB

 **mini gyu** : OH????? **_@spooky joonie_**

 **Honggie** : DO I HEAR WEDDING BELLS

 **guk the spook** : w h a t

 **haunted hoseokie** : did you-

 **spooky joonie** : hahahaha it’s cause of our halloween costume don’t get all fired up lmao

 **mini gyu** : booooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOoOoOOoOoooo

 **Bog Matthew** : OOF

 **guk the spook** : oh hahahahhahahaha ok ok

 **haunted hoseokie** : ,,,,,disappointed but not surprised

 **guk the spook** : what are u dressing up as?

 **guk the spook** : asking for a friend

 **mini gyu** : ,,,,,guk pls

 **Kang Dongho** : Oh my gOD

 **chan the bogeyman** : yes hyung maybe i’ll get inspiration!!!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Well, I’m going to be dressed as Hanguang-Jun, ‘cause Joonah insisted & already bought the robes

 **spooky joonie** : and i’m going as Extra Spicy yiling laozu!! :D

 **spooky joonie** : because apparently halloween costumes have to be sexy? idk

 **Honggie** : ohmygod it’s so,,,,,,,,, perfect?????

 **spooky joonie** : yiling laozu is already pretty sexy if u ask me

 **haunted hoseokie** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **haunted hoseokie** : ???????????????????

 **chan the bogeyman** : welp you two already won for best costume of the night

 **haunted hoseokie** : aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **chan the bogeyman** : everyone else can go home

 **Kang Dongho** : Hold on

 **Kang Dongho** : Let me get this straight

 **mini gyu** : gay* u mean

 **Kang Dongho** : Y’all are going as soulmates?????

 **Honggie** : LMAO **_@mini gyu_**

 **spooky joonie** : yeah!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Yes

 **Bog Matthew** : Nice!!!!

 **Kang Dongho** : Cool cool coooool just wanted to make sure

 **spooky joonie** : I’d say you could join us in the mdzs theme **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **spooky joonie** : but it’s gonna be difficult to find robes for you now

 **spooky joonie** : short notice and stuff

 **mini gyu** : lmao short is accurate

 **chan the bogeyman** : mingyu I will strangle you with your own innards

 **Honggie** : aekjfnkzljbfaskldqbg bro

 **mini gyu** : aND YOU GOT MAD AT ME FOR SAYING U WERE SCARY ENOUGH WITHOUT A COSTUME???

 **mini gyu** : U JUST PROVED MY POINT TENFOLD

 **Bog Matthew** : Oh my god can’t we go one (1) day in this chat without threatening bodily harm upon Mingyu

 **haunted hoseokie** : No lmao

 **chan the bogeyman** : no

 **Kang Dongho** : nah

 **Honggie** : no! :D

 **Son Hyunwoo** : I’m ambivalent about this

 **spooky joonie** : hhhhhhhhh

 **Bog Matthew** : Okay then my bad go on

 **guk the spook** : is this a Thing here because i’m like,,, all for it

 **mini gyu** : traitor **_@guk the spook_**

 **guk the spook** : tHEY ALL SAID THE SAME WHY DO U ONLY CALL /ME/ OUT BRO

 **mini gyu** : you’re younger than me lol i can get away with it

 **guk the spook** : ,,,valid

 **chan the bogeyman** : n e ways

 **chan the bogeyman** : back to ME

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Yes

 **Son Hyunwoo** : So

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Maybe if the rest shares their own chosen costume?

 **spooky joonie** : good idea!! (◕ᴗ◕✿)

 **mini gyu** : i’m going as a werewolf! :D

 **chan the bogeyman** : ok furry

 **Honggie** : isn’t that just an excuse to go shirtless

 **mini gyu** : choke **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **mini gyu** : What Is Your Point **_@Honggie_**

 **Honggie** : ,,,nothign! good for you!

 **guk the spook** : takes one to know one~ **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **Kang Dongho** : I’m going as royalty

 **Kang Dongho** : _[image attached]_

**spooky joonie** : oohh you look so handsome!!!

 **Kang Dongho** : Thanks haha

 **Kang Dongho** : ♥

 **spooky joonie** : ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) hehe~

 **Bog Matthew** : Aaaayyyeee very nice!!

 **haunted hoseokie** : 10/10

 **Kang Dongho** : Thanks y’all haha

 **Honggie** : i’m going as jack skellington hihi

 **chan the bogeyman** : ooooohhhh lit

 **Son Hyunwoo** : That seems like a fun one!

 **joonie** : yeeeeeeee

 **mini** **gyu** : nooooooooooice man are u gonna do the full makeup face?

 **Honggie** : OF COURSE, THERE’S NO HALF-ASSING THE KING OF HALLOWEEN

 **guk the spook** : u right and u should say it **_@Honggie_**

 **Honggie** : thank u uwu

 **Bog Matthew** : I’m going as a sexy scarecrow because my flatmate wanted to do an oz theme

 **Bog Matthew** : She’s going as sexy tin(wo)man and her girlfriend is gonna be a sexy lion

 **Bog Matthew** : Taehyung insisted on being Dorothy because of the shoes

 **spooky joonie** : please tell your flatmate that i love her

 **Bog Matthew** : You’ll meet her tonight at the party! You can tell her then!!

 **spooky joonie** : yes!!!! i will!!!!

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Let’s see

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Who’s left?

 **mini gyu** : **_@guk the spook_** & **_@haunted hoseokie_**

 **mini gyu** : guk’s going as werewolf with me and Yugyeom lol

 **Honggie** : not a t-shirt in sight

 **Honggie** : just guys being dudes

 **Kang Dongho** : LOL

 **chan the bogeyman** : yiff yiff

 **guk the spook** : chan the secret to developing a kink is making fun of it

 **guk the spook** : mark my words youre gonna end up a furry

 **chan the bogeyman** : nO

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Guys, focus

 **chan the bogeyman** : TAKE IT BACK JEON

 **guk the spook** : to the left now y’all

 **mini gyu** : cha cha real smooth

 **chan the bogeyman** : HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Kang Dongho** : Yo **_@haunted hoseokie_** say your costume before someone here blows a fuse

 **haunted hoseokie** : ok ok

 **haunted hoseokie** : I’m gonna be a vampire!!!!

 **haunted hoseokie** : We could be sexy sexy vamps together **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **haunted hoseokie** : :D

 **chan the bogeyman** : ohhhh!!! i think i might have some red lipstick lying around

 **spooky joonie** : if you don’t have you can borrow one of mine

 **chan the bogeyman** : (⺣◡⺣)♡* **_@spooky joonie_**

 **chan the bogeyman** : i’m in hyung!!! **_@haunted hoseokie_**

 **haunted hoseokie** : YAY

 **Bog Matthew** : ISSUE FIXED

 **Bog Matthew** : NOW YOU CAN’T CRITICISE THIS CHAT ANYMORE!!!

 **chan the bogeyman** : hhhhhhhhhh ok ok

 **chan the bogeyman** : thanks to all those who helped!!!

 **chan the bogeyman** : I love y’all

 **mini gyu** : that’s gay

 **spooky joonie** : mingyu /you’re/ gay

 **mini gyu** : ,,,u right

 **mini gyu** : ure ok I guess **_@chan the bogeyman_**

 **Honggie** : cUTE

 **guk the spook** : is every day in this chat like this because wow that was a ride

 **Kang Dongho** : Unfortunately

 **Bog Matthew** : WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN **_@Kang Dongho_**

 **spooky joonie** : i didn’t do much but i’m glad you’ve found something!!!

 **spooky joonie** : also yes **_@guk the spook_** do you regret it yet?

 **guk the spook** : no!!!! **_@spooky joonie_**

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Well, Joonah and I are gonna get ready

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Do we need to pick up anyone for the party at Seokah’s place?

 **mini gyu** : oh!!! if y’all have place for three Large Bois? guk yugyeom and I were gonna go with the subway

 **mini gyu** : but if you’re offering,,,,,

 **Son Hyunwoo** : Alright, Joonah will send a text when we’re on our way. You three still share that flat near Hongdae, right?

 **guk the spook** : ye!!!

 **spooky joonie** : okidoki we’ll pick you up at 9

 **mini gyu** : ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 **guk the spook** : ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 **spooky joonie** : see y’all later!!

 **Kang Dongho** : Bye! See you tonight

 **Bog Matthew** : AAYYYE BYE

 **haunted hoseokie** : see youuuuuuuu ♥♥

 **chan the bogeyman** : byebyeeee ♥

 **Honggie** : BYEEEE SEE YOU LATER ♥♥♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd say i'm sorry about making it so namwoo-focused again but then i'd be lying,,,, besides, i am but a humble servant of this chaotic fic. they do what they want & i can do nothing but indulge them,, happy halloween y'all! and happy birthday, wei wuxian!!!!
> 
> also yes, namwoo will dress up as wangxian for halloween because it's what they deserve
> 
> the party itself is chaos, as expected: at least two of them get sloppy drunk, someone falls asleep under the dinner table, the inflatable kiddie pool on the balcony has puke in it the next morning, a Certain Couple sneaks away to hook up in the master bathroom, and all the polaroids they take are blurry as fuck,,, all in all, a great night that i totally haven't experienced before no sir i'm a decent citizen


	7. episode vii: the noon after nye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **chan-ta claus:** do we need to organise a rescue operation?
> 
> **not so mini gyu ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):** FUN!!!!
> 
> **hoseoKING OF THE WORLD:** NO FUN!!!! NO FUN AT ALL!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck, dude, happy 2021 i can't believe we made it in one piece
> 
> here's a short one Just Because

**Big Tiddie Committee**

**chan-ta claus** : soooooo

**chan-ta claus** : is everyone still alive

**chan-ta claus** : i feel like i need to Confess my Sins but i don’t wanna walk this particular road of shame on my lonesome

**chan-ta claus** : so what’s up with y’all

**chan-ta claus** : y’all good???

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : Uhhhh I wanted to go jog this morning but I have spent the whole morning puking instead

**Honggie-ponggie** : i have,,one (1) hell of a hangOver

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : So no, not really

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : Happy fucking 1st of 2021, my dudes

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : same

**Honggie-ponggie** : also why is there a ‘no parking’ sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : about the puking & hangover, i mean

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : not the going to jog at the ass-crack of dawn because im not Crazy Like That

**not so mini-gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : LMAO WHAT **_@Honggie-ponggie_**

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : That might’ve been me… **_@Honggie-ponggie_**

**chan-ta claus** : effervescent

**Honggie-ponggie** : Bruh **_@hoseoKING OF THE WORLD_** just,,, Why

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : It seemed like a good idea at the time?

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : Also you have no leg to stand on!!!

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : You got so wasted last night u would make middle aged irish men on st patty’s look like mormons!!! **_@Honggie-ponggie_**

**Honggie-ponggie** : listen,,,,, u can’t blame me

**Honggie-ponggie** : ,,there’s just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : No fucking way you only drank beer last night

**Honggie-ponggie** : ,,,iont even remember, my dude

**chan-ta claus** : that’s valid

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : Understandable, have a good day

**Honggie-ponggie** : :^)

**chan-ta claus** : what about the rest of y’all

**chan-ta claus** : y’all alive, or

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : i’m aliven’t

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : but lets deal with that after we figure out where i am xx

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : joonie-hyung!! where did u run off to last night! i wanted u to be my nye smooch!!! guk and i had to kiss each other instead because we couldnt find u!! :c

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : i sneaked away to start the year with a ~bang~

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : if you know what i mean ;)

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : Is that what was going on when you ran into me in the corridor

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : ,,,yes

**Honggie-ponggie** : hhhhhh oh my god??????

**chan-ta claus** : huh??????

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : i am so sorry about your button-up btw i didn’t mean to make you spill your glass all over your clothes

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : Eh, it’s alright

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : I’ll return your sweater soon

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : surprised_pikachu.jpg

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : Thank you for lending it to me

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : no problem! it was my fault that we bumped into each other anyway :p

**chan-ta claus** : what even goes on

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew:** Did I miss something

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : confusion in the chat

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : anyway!!

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : now to figure out where the hell i am

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : Can you describe your surroundings?

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow:** i think i might be in some kind of ~fancy-schmancy~ hotel room

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow:** ok yes definitely a hotel

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : an expensive one, too

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : wow bougie~

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : You jealous? **_@not so mini gyu (_** ** _͡_** ** _°_** ** _͜ʖ_** ** _͡_** ** _°)_**

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : ssssssssssshut fuck the up **_@Big (daddy-o) Matthew_**

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : Or What

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : or Something Bad

**chan-ta claus** : scary~

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : update: apparently ive lost my underwear because It’s Just Not Here

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : but!!

**Honggie-ponggie** : namjoon you are iconic and that’s the hill I will die on

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : huh

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : there’s a bunch of polaroids strewn around

**chan-ta claus** : oh my god are u a hostage have u been kidnapped

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : Share your location, I’ll come get you as soon as I can walk away from this toilet for longer than a few minutes at a time

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : hold on,,,

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°):** type 123 if u need help

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : good news!!! i haven’t been abducted!!

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : honey, next time please don’t take so long to clarify that

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°):** heh ‘next time’

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : I said what I said

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°):** ,,,,ye

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow:** it was a false alarm :(

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : A FALSE ALARM THAT YOU HAVENT BEEN KIDNAPPED? SO YOU /HAVE/ BEEN ABDUCTED AFTER ALL?

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : JOONIE PLEASE

**chan-ta claus** : do we need to organise a rescue operation?

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°):** FUN!!!!

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : NO FUN!!!! NO FUN AT ALL!!!!

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : KIM NAMJOON I WILL CALL YOUR MOTHER

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : I AM 100% SERIOUS **_@Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow_**

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : Namjoonie? Everything OK?

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : jesus christ hyung no need to bring out the big guns

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : i am So ok

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : hyunwoo-hyung has just come back with breakfast for me because he knows how i like my food when im hungover :(

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : im gonna eat and then im gonna suck his dick

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : I lost a decade of my life because of you, Kim Namjoon

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : ,,kinky

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : let me brag about getting laid on nye

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : b i t c h

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : i can and i will snap ur neck like a pez dispenser

**no midnight kissies for gukkie :c** : where does one sign up for that

**no midnight kissies for gukkie :c** : I mean, what

**no midnight kissies for gukkie :c** :Typo

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : JEON YOU ARE ALIVE

**no midnight kissies for gukkie :c** : debatable

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : Just One Normal Day, Please

**Honggie-ponggie** : Unrealistic **_@Kang (the man) Dongho_** ask for something more feasible, like idk world peace

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : I hate it here

**Honggie-ponggie** : Yet still here you are

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : aND WITH NOTIFS ON

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : I will block you **_@not so mini gyu (_** ** _͡_** ** _°_** ** _͜ʖ_** ** _͡_** ** _°)_**

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : empty threats

**not so mini gyu (** **͡** **°** **͜ʖ** **͡** **°)** : you love me too much for that

**_Kang (the man) Dongho_ ** _has removed **not so mini gyu (**_ **_͡_ ** **_°_ ** **_͜ʖ_ ** **_͡_ ** **_°)_ ** _from **Big Tiddie Committee**_

**chan-ta claus** : LMAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOOA

**no midnight kissies for gukkie :c** : sweet, sweet justice

**Honggie-ponggie** : 2021 sure started Like This, huh

**Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow** : fuck, dude, it sure did **_@Honggie-ponggie_**

**Kang (the man) Dongho** : It’s gonna be a loooong year, isn’t it

**Big (daddy-o) Matthew** : THE GRIND NEVER STOPS, MY DUDES

**hoseoKING OF THE WORLD** : I, for one, can’t wait

**Son Hyunwoo, cuddlebug extraordinaire** : Nerd **_@hoseoKING OF THE WORLD_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clarify:
> 
> \- _chan-ta claus_ is bang chan  
> \- _Big (daddy-o) Matthew_ is BM  
> \- _Honggie-ponggie_ is hongseok  
> \- _not so mini gyu ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ is mingyu  
> \- _hoseoKING OF THE WORLD_ is hoseok aka wonho  
> \- _Have You Seen Hyunwoo’s Face Because Wow_ is namjoon  
> \- _Kang (the man) Dongho_ is dongho aka baekho  
> \- _no midnight kissies for gukkie :c_ is jeongguk  
> \- _Son Hyunwoo, cuddlebug extraordinaire_ is hyunwoo aka shownu

**Author's Note:**

> thoughts? should i burn this and act as if i never wrote it in the first place? or...
> 
> i'm definitely going to regret this, but... requests for additional/further episodes can be made [on my twitter](https://twitter.com/yellingukelele) or in the commentbox below


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